True change comes at a prize
All change is difficult; it requires effort and persistence. It requires repetition and practice.
As I wake up again at 5am, waves of anxiety washing over me, I am wondering why this is so hard. I know what I want, I do believe I can do it, that I have enough knowledge and wisdom to share and yet, there is this little voice, there is doubt.
What is one to do with this?
There are only two options.
The first is to allow this voice to take hold, for the doubt to take back the power you have wrestled from it for yourself. To tell yourself that this voice speaks the truth after all and what is it that you can offer anyway.
The second is to acknowledge how you feel, recognise that this little voice is most likely trying to protect you from the unknown, from possible dangers on the road ahead. And then proceed with the change regardless of how you feel at times. Find the voice of encouragement, power and love which also resides within you.
So, as I lie in my bed, I put my hand on my heart and focus on my breathing. Long, slow, deep breaths, bringing me back to the now. Only ever one breath at a time. Slowly things begin to calm down.
I can always tackle today. It is only when whole days, weeks or even months seem to want attention, knowing and detail right now that I struggle. I cannot provide that from where I find myself now. Then this feeling of being overwhelmed takes hold and wants me to stop everything, to step back into what I know.
I could just ignore those feelings and think positively.
Positive thinking alone does not work though. All emotion is valid and wants to be acknowledged. Pushing it down or away will make it come back at you in some other guise with more power. Just like a child wants attention, and bad attention is better than no attention.
It is so important to acknowledge how you feel, right now. Just sitting with the feeling, acknowledging it, listening to what it has to say to you is a great way to deal with it constructively.
Where does it come from? What does it really want?
Looking at yourself with compassion in this very moment is the key. Regardless of what you feel. It could be anger, jealousy, bitterness. Any of those emotions you believe are bad. And that feeling them makes you bad.
If you hold that emotion without judgment and with compassion you will find that underneath that feeling is another. Often one of hurt, pain, feeling unloved, alone or worthless.
Knowing this gives you so much power and control. It allows you to tackle the root cause of the emotion. It allows you to heal, to give to yourself what you really need.
And then you can move forward on your path of change and growth, feeling a little lighter. Being in the now and centred.