Belmar Therapy




Who is responsible for your happiness?

It is so easy to point the finger to the outside world and find reasons why we cannot be happy. If only that person would be nicer to me. If only I could be more successful, more beautiful, more charismatic, then I would be happy.

Once I have achieved this goal or that goal, then I will be happy.

We fall into the trap of “If… then…” The problem is, the “If” never arrives and if it does, then another “If” appears immediately. You can always be more successful, beautiful or charismatic, but never happy with how things are right now.

So why is it so important to think about this?

Well, as long as external things, people, events or achievements are responsible for your happiness, they also hold the key to it. In effect you have given your power to these outside factors and are now at their mercy. You are no longer in control of how you are feeling.

You might wonder what would happen if you are happy right now, just the way things are. Would you even bother changing anything going into the future? Perhaps you would stagnate or even worse, go backwards. Surely, this would not make anyone happy.

But there is such a thing of being happy in the now, and having ambition, moving forward and growing towards that goal that has the potential to fulfil you even more deeply. To look back and see how far you have come, how much you have grown and he happy and proud of these achievements. In fact, can you ever really truly move forward until you actually accept and own where you are right now?

Even if you feel there is nothing you can be happy about, by refocusing your attention you might well find a surprising number of things to be happy and grateful about. The thing to start with is that you are alive. And very often out of the difficult and challenging times comes the greatest growth and development.

But choosing reasons to be happy or unhappy is like being in a dark room full of different stuff. Some of the things in the room are beautiful and inspiring, having great worth and potential. Other things are dark and scary, have the potential to fill you with fear and doubt. We are all the same in this regard.

But you are in this darkened room with a flashlight and you have the choice where you point this flashlight. Of course there will be a time and a place to look at different things in this room, but it would be a shame to miss out on the beauty that is already in your life, but solely focusing on the dark and frustrating areas in this room.

So point the flashlight of your attention to something special and beautiful in your life, allow it to fill you with energy, inspiration and gratitude. By doing this you take the power back into your own hands. By doing this you are in charge of your feelings, your direction of travel and therefore also your destination.

This is a choice, and it is yours. It always has been and always will be.

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