I am petrified!
I woke this morning at 4am. My heart was pounding in my chest and an uncomfortable feeling of nausea and pressure had established itself firmly in the centre of my being.
Not long now until I am going to finish my work. It has been a long time coming and I was convinced it was the right thing to do. So I handed in my notice and as the time is drawing closer, the doubts are getting stronger. The fear of the consequences of the enormity of this decision is becoming overwhelming and in a mere 6 weeks I will have lost my main source of income. This is a big step with 2 children and a mortgage.
Every hugely successful person I have studied has gone through a period similar to what I am going through at the moment. And they have come through it successfully. So why shouldn’t I?
According to my mind there are numerous reasons for why I shouldn’t. My brilliant mind is quick to point out that I will not have heard of all the people who have done something similar and did not make it. How many of those are out there? Will I be one of them?
Then of course there are the usual self-depreciating thoughts and beliefs. They are better than me, they are more talented than me, and they have something I do not have.
Deep in my core I know this is not true. I am just as special and talented as the next person. Each and every single one of us it. The key point here is that we are all different.
I have to forge my own path. It can be helpful to look to others for inspiration and many people say it is possible to copy success. And perhaps it is to some degree.
But once all is said and done neither you or I are anyone but ourselves. We have to live our own life and decide what we want, how we want to live, what impact we want to have in the world. Perhaps most importantly for me it is the feeling of satisfaction.
The satisfaction of having been true to myself, to have stepped out there, be seen and heard, to be the full expression of all I am meant to be!
So this is what I am seeking. I think the thoughts, feel the fear and I am going to do it anyway. There is no way back.
I am about to jump off the cliff and trust myself to learn to fly on the way down. There is nothing else for it. This is life. I want to live it fully. I do not to make it safely to my death. Because this day is coming regardless of what I do between those key points of birth and death.
The one certainty in life is change. I no longer want to be a petal drifting without conscious input and choice. I no longer want to be swept by currents out with my control.
I want to be a force to be reckoned with, I am my own authority.
So here I go! And I believe I can fly!